5 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Becoming A Dad

There is no amount of advice or practice that will fully prepare you for becoming a dad, but the more you try to learn beforehand, the easier it’ll be. So here are 5 things I never expected and wished I had prepared for a bit more thoroughly.

1) Birth is emotional

When Rouan was born I cried, something I hadn’t done in a long time. It wasn’t a sad cry, and it wasn’t a purely happy cry, it was just a let-out of emotion.

Watching Pebbles’ bump grow for 9 months, trying to prepare for and imagine life beyond said bump, it suddenly becoming a reality in a split-second overwhelmed me like nothing has before. It was a huge relief seeing Rou, healthy and okay, after going through every possible bad scenario in my head for three quarters of a year. So I think my crying was just out of pure relief and happiness that he and Pebbles were okay.

But it’s okay not to cry. Birth is unique to everybody, and predicting your reaction is a pointless endeavour. If I were to give any advice, it’s to be as present as you can in the birth and pregnancy, and a bond will form without you even realising it.

2) Being a dad is emotional

So this extends from number 1. I always saw myself as quite an unemotional kind of guy – a bottler of emotions. But nothing unscrews the lid off that bottle faster than a baby.

The thing I really wasn’t prepared for was feeling every emotion imaginable at every moment. Trying to soothe a screaming baby at 4am on no sleep is infuriating and upsetting, but you are so determined to help him because you know that this is about making him feel better, not yourself, and you fall into the trap of forgetting that.

So while anger and frustration is there, so too is a profound sense of duty and love and worry.

And that’s just one example! Every day will be filled with moments that bring out emotions you may not have felt in a long time, and that’s good! But make sure if you think your emotions are getting the better of you in a negative way, talk to your partner, family, friends, or even a GP. Men are at risk of post-natal depression, or the “baby blues”, too.

3) Everyone is on your side

This is one I’m still getting to grips with. I’ve never been one to accept help from others. Pretty sure it’s a masculinity thing but best leave that for another day.

Everyone I know has only had words of support and encouragement for us. At first I thought it was just people being polite and getting involved because they felt they had to, but I came to realise that, actually, people genuinely cared and wanted to help. It sounds bizarre but that’s just how I felt!

And once I became open to the fact that people were getting involved out of choice rather than feeling obligated to, it made it a lot easier to accept help and advice and support, which in turn helped me!

My future Mother-in-law for example has helped us on several occasions by taking Rou off our hands for an hour or two meaning we could have a quick nap, which helps tremendously. Family and friends have given us countless gifts and have shown an interest which has helped us keep social. I’m so grateful for all the love and support people have shown since we announced the pregnancy – so thank you to everyone who has taken the time to say congrats or checked in on us.

Of course all the attention is gathered by Rou and Pebbles, and rightly so, they’ve been through 9 months of difficulty, but it’s very reassuring to know that people still care, and it helps to remind you that there is a world out there that you as a family are part of, rather than fighting against.

4) Babies are liquid factories

Wee, poo, vomit, spit, drool, tears – everything is liquid. I never knew so much liquid existed.

Of course I was aware liquid was a thing, but not to this extent. The thing about these liquids is that they often come all at once. You can bet that when you’re cleaning a poopy nappy, you’ll have a surprise pee shot at you, and then when that’s cleaned up, there’ll be a sneaky vomit, and then when that’s cleaned up you’ll get more pee fired at you and so on and so forth until eventually there is no more liquid left, not for an hour at least.

But after a while you get used to it. You go into a nappy change prepared to be peed and vomited on, and if anything you find yourself happy and proud that your baby is doing it! “Yay good boy, Rou,” I’ll say, as my hands are covered in poop and pee. You become desensitised to it very quickly, but only if you get involved.

Nappy changes are a great way to bond with your baby, and can actually be quite relaxing (sometimes). Get as involved as you can with it, especially if your partner is tired or has done more than their fair share of nappies already.

So yeah, liquid. It comes from everywhere. Keep muslins handy, use wipes often (baby sensitive ones (Mamia wipes from Aldi are cheap and kind to a baby’s skin)), and above all else, get involved, you’ll soon realise that there are more important things in life than a bit of baby poop under your fingernail.

5) Your relationship with your partner will change

This is probably the biggest one for me. I love Pebbles. We’ve been together for 9 and a half years, have known each other for 14 and a half years (that’s more than half our lives), and have been through the best and worst of times together, and come through it all the stronger.

But having a baby has definitely changed us, but not necessarily in a bad way.

Rouan doesn’t sleep unless he’s being held. It’s a curse, it’s something we’re dealing with and are working towards getting fixed. But as of right now, each of us is working shifts at night to help him sleep. For example, it is currently 3:30am, I am awake holding Rou and Pebbles is asleep. She will get up around 5:30am for feeding time and I will sleep during. It’s tough but needs must.

We haven’t slept in the same bed for more than two hours since Rou was born. It’s common that during meals one of us will eat while the other holds Rou. And our TV watching schedule has all but gone out the window (except The Good Place, we’ll always watch that together). And while all this sounds rubbish, and as if we’re drifting apart, it’s okay.

We know why we’re doing it. We know that given the choice, we’d love to be able to put Rou down in a cot for a sleep and spend some time together. But we know that, especially at this moment in time, Rou is more important than both of us.

We still spend all our free time together, it’s just that time revolves around Rou, and we still love each other more than ever before, but we love Rou too, and he can’t look after himself!

Our relationship has changed, no doubt about it, it’s more difficult and it relies more on us knowing we love each other rather than showing it, and that’s not something I was prepared for. But I’m already used to it, which is the main takeaway from this post.

You’ll get used to things.

I’m more emotional, but I’m used to it. People want to be much more involved in your life which gives you less time to yourself but actually keeps you socially healthy, but I’m used to it. Babies produce an incredible amount of liquid at an alarming rate, but I’m used to it. Pebbles and I aren’t as “luvvy duvvy” as we once were, but I’m used to it.

And not only am I used to these things, but they all have benefits and are all happening for good reasons. Becoming a parent changed me in ways I never knew it would, but I’m still the same person. It’s an opportunity to grow, so take the opportunity. And as time goes on, you’ll get used to things.

And change nappies as often as possible, you’ll soon get used to the smell, which makes it easier.

There are so many more things I could’ve put on this list, but these came to mind pretty quickly, I may do another list in the near future.

Thanks very much for reading. Feel free to leave a comment down below. If you’re a parent, what were you not prepared for? Was there anything you expected that didn’t happen? And how would you prepare new parents knowing what you know now?